1 00:00:35,717 --> 00:00:38,880 'Arthur Dent, a perfectly ordinary Earthman, 2 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,240 'was rather surprised when his friend Ford Prefect 3 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,365 'suddenly revealed himself to be from a small planet 4 00:00:45,485 --> 00:00:47,840 'in the vicinity of Betelgeuse 5 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,531 'and not from Guildford after all. 6 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:54,250 'He was even more surprised when, minutes later, 7 00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:56,716 'Earth was unexpectedly demolished 8 00:00:56,836 --> 00:00:59,707 'to make way for a new hyperspace by-pass. 9 00:01:00,317 --> 00:01:03,280 'But this was as nothing to their joint surprise 10 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,292 'when they were rescued from certain death by a stolen spaceship 11 00:01:07,412 --> 00:01:11,873 'manned by Ford's semi-cousin, the infamous Zaphod Beeblebrox, 12 00:01:11,993 --> 00:01:15,840 'and by Trillian, a rather nice young astrophysicist 13 00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,625 'Arthur once met at a party in Islington. 14 00:01:19,435 --> 00:01:23,990 'However, all four of them are soon totally overwhelmed by surprise 15 00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:27,520 'when they discover that the ancient world of Magrathea, 16 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:32,200 'a planet legendary for its trade in manufacturing other planets, 17 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,005 'is not as dead as it was supposed to be. 18 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,823 'For Zaphod, Ford and Trillian, 19 00:01:37,943 --> 00:01:42,133 'surprise is pushed to its very limits when THIS happened...' 20 00:01:44,387 --> 00:01:47,200 'And when Arthur encounters Slartibartfast, 21 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,542 'the Magrathean coastline designer 22 00:01:49,662 --> 00:01:52,006 'who won an award for his work on Norway 23 00:01:52,126 --> 00:01:54,707 'and learns that the history of mankind 24 00:01:54,827 --> 00:01:58,790 'was only being run for the benefit of a few white mice, 25 00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:01,240 'surprise is no longer adequate 26 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,790 'and he is forced to resort to astonishment.' 27 00:02:04,910 --> 00:02:05,908 Mice?! 28 00:02:08,937 --> 00:02:10,452 Mind your head. 29 00:02:11,203 --> 00:02:13,600 E-Excuse the mess. 30 00:02:14,070 --> 00:02:18,800 Most unfortunate-a diode blew in one of the life support computers. 31 00:02:19,037 --> 00:02:21,362 When we came to revive our cleaning staff, 32 00:02:21,482 --> 00:02:24,389 we discovered they'd been dead for 30,000 years. 33 00:02:24,509 --> 00:02:28,264 Who's going to clear away the bodies? That's what no one has an answer for. 34 00:02:29,039 --> 00:02:33,756 Mice? Look, are we talking about the same things? 35 00:02:34,390 --> 00:02:37,765 Mice are white furry creatures with a cheese fixation, 36 00:02:37,885 --> 00:02:41,053 women standing screaming on tables in early '60s sitcoms. 37 00:02:41,930 --> 00:02:47,191 Earthman, it is sometimes hard to follow your mode of speech. 38 00:02:47,461 --> 00:02:50,960 I have been asleep inside this planet of Magrathea 39 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,708 for... um... five million years 40 00:02:54,828 --> 00:02:59,686 and know little of these early '60s sitcoms of which you speak. 41 00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:03,710 These creatures you call mice are not quite as they appear. 42 00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:06,387 They are merely the protrusion into our dimension 43 00:03:06,507 --> 00:03:11,040 of vast hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings. 44 00:03:13,013 --> 00:03:17,281 This business with the cheese and the squeaking is just a front. 45 00:03:17,401 --> 00:03:19,747 They have been experimenting on you. 46 00:03:20,017 --> 00:03:24,643 Ahh! No, look, you've got it wrong! It was us! We experimented on THEM! 47 00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:28,600 Making them run down mazes, ring bells, eat bits of cheese! 48 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,040 And, by analysing their behaviour, 49 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,038 were learned all sorts of things about ourselves! 50 00:03:34,158 --> 00:03:36,328 - Such subtlety! - Well... 51 00:03:36,448 --> 00:03:39,569 Well, how better to disguise their true natures, 52 00:03:39,689 --> 00:03:42,880 how better to guide your way of thinking, 53 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,440 than to be right down there amongst you? 54 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,641 Suddenly running down the maze the wrong way, 55 00:03:49,568 --> 00:03:51,353 eating the wrong bit of cheese, 56 00:03:51,473 --> 00:03:53,960 unexpectedly dropping dead of myxomatosis. 57 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:58,162 Finely calculated, the cumulative effect is enormous. 58 00:03:58,282 --> 00:04:02,436 Just sit... back... back. 59 00:04:02,917 --> 00:04:05,829 I must tell you that your planet and people 60 00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:09,412 have formed the matrix of an organic computer 61 00:04:09,532 --> 00:04:11,669 running a 10-million-year research programme 62 00:04:11,789 --> 00:04:16,788 into the ultimate question of Life, the Universe... and Everything. 63 00:04:17,064 --> 00:04:21,913 They are particularly clever, hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings. 64 00:04:22,033 --> 00:04:26,582 Attention! Slartibartfast and the visiting Earth creature 65 00:04:26,702 --> 00:04:31,120 report to the work's reception area immediately... Repeat, immediately! 66 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:35,280 However, in the field of management relations, they're shocking. 67 00:04:35,748 --> 00:04:38,600 - Really? - Every time they give me an order, 68 00:04:38,984 --> 00:04:41,080 I want to jump on a table and scream. 69 00:04:41,462 --> 00:04:43,458 Yes, I can see that would be a problem. 70 00:04:43,963 --> 00:04:47,139 'There are many problems connected with life, 71 00:04:47,259 --> 00:04:49,640 'of which some of the most pressing are... 72 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,601 'Why are people born? 73 00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:53,867 'Why do they die? 74 00:04:53,987 --> 00:04:57,623 'And why do they spend so much of the intervening time 75 00:04:57,743 --> 00:05:00,077 'wearing digital watches? 76 00:05:01,796 --> 00:05:06,440 'Many millions of years ago, a race of hyper-intelligent beings 77 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:10,920 'became so fed-up with the bickering about the meaning of life 78 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:14,760 'that they decided to sit down and solve it once and for all. 79 00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,038 'To this end, they built themselves 80 00:05:17,158 --> 00:05:20,895 'a stupendous super-computer called Deep Thought 81 00:05:21,015 --> 00:05:23,600 'that was so amazingly intelligent 82 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,080 'that even before its data banks had been connected up, 83 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,997 'it started from first principles with: 84 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:36,760 'And deduced the existence of rice pudding and income tax 85 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,454 'before anyone managed to turn it off.' 86 00:05:39,574 --> 00:05:41,286 Do not be alarmed. 87 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:46,041 'Only after Deep Thought has been programmed 88 00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:49,760 'with all the knowledge in the Universe, do two men, 89 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:53,369 'selected of all their race, approach it.' 90 00:06:03,786 --> 00:06:08,800 What is this great task for which l, Deep Thought, 91 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:12,259 the second greatest computer in the Universe 92 00:06:12,379 --> 00:06:17,170 of Time and Space, have been called into existence? 93 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,400 - Your task, O computer... - No, wait a minute! 94 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,740 Did he say "second greatest"? 95 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:28,803 O Deep Thought, are you not, as we designed you to be, 96 00:06:28,923 --> 00:06:32,548 the greatest, the most powerful computer of all time? 97 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:39,206 I described myself as the second greatest and such I am! 98 00:06:39,326 --> 00:06:41,531 Can we just clear this up? 99 00:06:42,024 --> 00:06:45,040 O Deep Thought, are you not a greater computer 100 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:49,720 than the Milliard Gargantubrain which can count all the atoms in a star? 101 00:06:49,937 --> 00:06:56,200 A Milliard Gargantubrain? A mere abacus! Mention it not! 102 00:06:56,320 --> 00:07:00,840 Are you not a greater analyst than the Googleplex Star Thinker 103 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,480 in the 7th Galaxy of Light and Ingenuity? 104 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,257 The Googleplex Star Thinker? 105 00:07:07,377 --> 00:07:11,399 Molest me not with this pocket calculator stuff! 106 00:07:11,519 --> 00:07:13,800 But are you not a more fiendish disputant 107 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:19,600 than the Great Hyperlobic Omnicognate Neutron Wrangler on Ciceronicus 12?! 108 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,560 The Great 0mnicognate Neutron Wrangler 109 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:27,213 could talk all four legs off an Arcturan megadonkey, 110 00:07:27,624 --> 00:07:31,778 but only I could persuade it to go for a walk afterwards! 111 00:07:31,898 --> 00:07:34,396 Then... what is the problem? 112 00:07:34,516 --> 00:07:37,280 There is no problem! 113 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:42,840 I speak of none but the computer that is to come after me! 114 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,000 I think this is getting needlessly messianic. 115 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,640 A computer whose merest operational parameters 116 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,640 I am not worthy to calculate, 117 00:07:53,760 --> 00:08:00,019 but which it will be my destiny eventually to design! 118 00:08:00,641 --> 00:08:02,990 Can we get on and ask the question? 119 00:08:03,110 --> 00:08:04,528 Oh, all right. 120 00:08:05,382 --> 00:08:11,664 O Great Computer, the task we have designed you to perform is this. 121 00:08:12,322 --> 00:08:15,644 We want you to tell us the answer. 122 00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,472 The answer? 123 00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:21,920 - The answer to what? - Life! 124 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,651 - The Universe! - Everything! 125 00:08:25,168 --> 00:08:26,706 Tricky. 126 00:08:27,599 --> 00:08:30,123 But... can you do it? 127 00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:33,932 Yes, I can do it. 128 00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:37,408 You mean... there IS an answer? 129 00:08:37,819 --> 00:08:40,840 - A simple answer? - Yes. 130 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:44,280 Life, the Universe and Everything. 131 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,440 There is an answer. 132 00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:51,184 - There is an answer! At last! - But I'll have to think about it. 133 00:08:56,488 --> 00:08:58,728 - We demand admission! - Now what? 134 00:08:58,848 --> 00:09:02,737 - You can't keep us out! - We demand you cannot keep us out! 135 00:09:07,199 --> 00:09:10,720 - Who are you? Get out of here! - I am Majkthise! 136 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,203 And I demand that I am Vroomfondel! 137 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:18,442 It's all right, you don't need to demand that! 138 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:21,584 All right, I am Vroomfondel... 139 00:09:21,843 --> 00:09:25,835 ...and that is not a demand, that is a solid fact! 140 00:09:26,187 --> 00:09:28,171 What we demand is solid facts! 141 00:09:28,291 --> 00:09:31,520 No, we don't! That is precisely what we DON'T demand! 142 00:09:31,810 --> 00:09:33,572 We don't demand solid facts! 143 00:09:33,924 --> 00:09:37,280 What we demand is a total absence of solid facts! 144 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:43,083 I demand that I may, or may not, be Vroomfondel! 145 00:09:44,422 --> 00:09:47,909 - Who are you? - We are philosophers. 146 00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:50,400 - Though we may not be! - Yes, we are! 147 00:09:50,809 --> 00:09:53,222 We are definitely here as representatives 148 00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:57,920 of the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, and Luminaries, 149 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,317 and we want the machine off now! 150 00:10:00,437 --> 00:10:02,477 We demand that you get rid of it! 151 00:10:02,597 --> 00:10:07,080 - What's the problem? - The problem is demarcation, mate! 152 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,560 We demand that demarcation may or may not be the problem! 153 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,889 Let the machines get on with the adding up 154 00:10:14,009 --> 00:10:16,883 and WE'LL take care of the eternal verities! 155 00:10:17,003 --> 00:10:19,663 By law, the quest for ultimate truth 156 00:10:19,783 --> 00:10:22,907 is the inalienable prerogative of your working thinkers! 157 00:10:23,142 --> 00:10:26,400 Any machine goes and finds 'em, we're out of a job! 158 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,600 What's the use of our arguing half the night whether there may... 159 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,880 - Or may not! ...be a god... 160 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,583 ...if this machine gives you his phone number in the morning! 161 00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:37,794 That's right! 162 00:10:37,914 --> 00:10:42,326 We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty! 163 00:10:43,289 --> 00:10:47,349 Might I make an observation at this point? 164 00:10:47,469 --> 00:10:49,077 Keep out of this! 165 00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:53,739 We demand that that machine not be allowed to think about this problem! 166 00:10:56,465 --> 00:11:00,328 If I might make an observation! 167 00:11:02,676 --> 00:11:05,779 All I wanted to say was this. 168 00:11:06,641 --> 00:11:10,325 My circuits are now irrevocably committed 169 00:11:10,445 --> 00:11:13,040 to calculating the answer 170 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:18,118 to the ultimate question of Life, the Universe and Everything, 171 00:11:18,482 --> 00:11:23,270 but the program will take me a little while to run. 172 00:11:24,397 --> 00:11:28,840 - How long? - Seven and a half... 173 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:34,609 - What, not till next week?! - ... million... years! 174 00:11:35,853 --> 00:11:40,844 - How long?! - I said I'd have to think about it. 175 00:11:40,964 --> 00:11:45,250 And it occurs to me that running a program like this 176 00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:48,520 is bound to create considerable interest 177 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,689 in the whole area of popular philosophy. 178 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:55,440 - Yes? - Keep talking. 179 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,663 Everyone's going to have his own theory 180 00:11:58,783 --> 00:12:02,702 about what answer I'm eventually going to come up with 181 00:12:02,937 --> 00:12:06,960 and who better to capitalise on that media market 182 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,184 than you yourselves? 183 00:12:09,304 --> 00:12:13,520 So long as you can keep violently disagreeing with each other 184 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,857 and slagging each other off in the popular press, 185 00:12:17,197 --> 00:12:20,649 and so long as you have clever agents, 186 00:12:21,095 --> 00:12:25,886 you can keep yourselves on the gravy train for life! 187 00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:32,982 Bloody hell! Now, that's what I call thinking! 188 00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:36,915 'Ere, Vroomfondel, how come we never think of things like that? 189 00:12:37,549 --> 00:12:38,488 Dunno. 190 00:12:40,461 --> 00:12:44,039 I think our minds must be too highly trained, Majkthise. 191 00:12:49,922 --> 00:12:53,068 Very salutary, but what about the Earth and mice? 192 00:12:53,188 --> 00:12:55,254 All will become clear to you. 193 00:12:56,992 --> 00:13:02,072 Are you not anxious to hear what the computer said 7.5 million years later? 194 00:13:02,192 --> 00:13:04,752 Erm... yes... quite. 195 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,811 The time is nearly upon us! 196 00:13:31,931 --> 00:13:35,017 7.5 million years we've waited. 197 00:13:36,402 --> 00:13:38,920 75,000 generations 198 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,200 since our ancestors set this program in motion and, in all that time, 199 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:47,141 we shall be the first to hear the computer speak. 200 00:13:47,646 --> 00:13:48,996 It's an awesome prospect. 201 00:13:53,759 --> 00:13:56,178 Deep Thought is about to speak! 202 00:13:58,526 --> 00:14:00,455 Good evening. 203 00:14:02,756 --> 00:14:04,177 G-Good evening. 204 00:14:14,965 --> 00:14:17,360 O... Deep Thought... 205 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,920 ...do you have... Have you...? 206 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,560 An answer for you? 207 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,284 Yes, I have. 208 00:14:26,404 --> 00:14:30,040 - There really is one? - There really is one. 209 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,846 To everything? The secret of the Universe? 210 00:14:32,966 --> 00:14:35,229 The great questions of Life and Everything? 211 00:14:35,863 --> 00:14:38,925 - Yes. - Are you ready to give it to us? 212 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,664 - I am. - Now?! 213 00:14:42,347 --> 00:14:43,651 Now! 214 00:14:44,379 --> 00:14:45,435 Wow! 215 00:14:46,316 --> 00:14:49,976 Though I don't think you're going to like it. 216 00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:53,416 Doesn't matter! We must know it! 217 00:14:53,648 --> 00:14:56,290 - Now? - Yes... now. 218 00:14:57,406 --> 00:14:59,402 All right. 219 00:15:11,257 --> 00:15:14,240 - Well? - You're really not going to like it. 220 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,760 Tell us! 221 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,414 - The answer to the great question... - Yes? 222 00:15:19,778 --> 00:15:23,080 ... of Life, the Universe and Everything... 223 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:24,651 - Yes? - ... is... 224 00:15:24,771 --> 00:15:26,177 - Yes? - ... is... 225 00:15:26,297 --> 00:15:29,982 - Yes?! - ... 42! 226 00:15:32,612 --> 00:15:35,607 It was a tough assignment. 227 00:15:36,276 --> 00:15:38,784 42?! 228 00:15:39,218 --> 00:15:46,040 Is that all you've got to show for 7.5 million years' work?! 229 00:15:46,838 --> 00:15:48,771 I think the problem 230 00:15:48,891 --> 00:15:52,282 is that you've never known what the question is. 231 00:15:52,402 --> 00:15:54,920 But it was the GREAT question, 232 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:59,756 the ultimate question of Life, the Universe and Everything! 233 00:16:00,073 --> 00:16:03,560 Yes, but what actually is it? 234 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:05,169 Well... 235 00:16:06,942 --> 00:16:08,582 ...just everything! 236 00:16:09,111 --> 00:16:12,222 You know... everything! 237 00:16:12,492 --> 00:16:14,218 Exactly. 238 00:16:14,629 --> 00:16:18,254 You have to know what the question actually is 239 00:16:18,374 --> 00:16:21,425 in order to know what the answer means. 240 00:16:21,753 --> 00:16:25,015 Well, can you please tell us the question? 241 00:16:25,135 --> 00:16:28,291 - The Ultimate Question? - Yes! 242 00:16:28,411 --> 00:16:32,462 Of Life, the Universe and Everything? 243 00:16:32,814 --> 00:16:35,930 - Yes! - Tricky. 244 00:16:37,773 --> 00:16:40,088 But can you do it? 245 00:16:41,603 --> 00:16:42,836 No. 246 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,670 But I'll tell you who can. 247 00:16:48,797 --> 00:16:50,347 Tell us! 248 00:16:53,109 --> 00:16:57,829 I speak of none but the computer that is to come after me. 249 00:16:58,275 --> 00:17:02,360 A computer whose merest operational parameters 250 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,400 I am not worthy to calculate! 251 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,364 Yet I will design it for you! 252 00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:13,485 A computer which can calculate the Answer to the Ultimate Question, 253 00:17:13,849 --> 00:17:18,160 a computer of such infinite and subtle complexity 254 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,320 that organic life itself 255 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,827 shall form part of its operational matrix. 256 00:17:24,156 --> 00:17:30,187 You yourselves shall take on new forms and go down into the computer 257 00:17:30,307 --> 00:17:34,440 to navigate its 10-million-year program! 258 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,326 Yes, I shall design this computer for you 259 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:41,680 and I shall name it also unto you 260 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,193 and it shall be called the Earth! 261 00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:51,422 Oh, what a dull name. 262 00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:53,231 So there you have it. 263 00:17:54,851 --> 00:17:58,960 Deep Thought designed the Earth, we built it and you lived on it. 264 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:02,915 The Vogons destroyed it 5 minutes before the program was completed. 265 00:18:03,035 --> 00:18:06,426 10 million years of planning and work gone. 266 00:18:06,546 --> 00:18:09,240 Well, that's bureaucracy for you. 267 00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:11,329 Do you know, this explains a lot, 268 00:18:11,634 --> 00:18:15,236 because all my life I've had this feeling in my bones 269 00:18:15,356 --> 00:18:18,280 something sinister was happening in the Universe. 270 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,261 No one would tell me what it was. 271 00:18:20,381 --> 00:18:22,820 That's just perfectly normal paranoia. 272 00:18:24,077 --> 00:18:27,141 - Everyone in the Universe has that. - Everyone? 273 00:18:27,881 --> 00:18:29,004 Everyone. 274 00:18:29,603 --> 00:18:31,658 Maybe that means something! 275 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,920 That outside the Universe we know, some alien intelligence is... 276 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,998 Maybe. Who cares? 277 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:41,508 Perhaps I'm old, but the chances of finding out 278 00:18:41,628 --> 00:18:44,725 what really is going on are so absurdly remote 279 00:18:44,845 --> 00:18:49,202 the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it" and keep occupied. 280 00:18:49,322 --> 00:18:53,596 Look at me. I design coastlines. I got an award for Norway. 281 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:57,960 Where's the sense in that? None that I can make out. 282 00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:00,200 I've been doing fjords all my life. 283 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:04,780 For a fleeting moment, they become fashionable. I get a major award. 284 00:19:05,297 --> 00:19:09,240 In this replacement Earth, I've been given Africa to do. 285 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,200 I'm doing it with with fjords because I happen to like them. 286 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,713 I'm old-fashioned enough to think they give a lovely baroque feel 287 00:19:17,833 --> 00:19:19,183 to a continent. 288 00:19:19,303 --> 00:19:23,274 They tell me it's not equatorial enough. What does it matter? 289 00:19:23,394 --> 00:19:26,137 Science has achieved wonderful things, 290 00:19:26,257 --> 00:19:29,720 but I'd far rather be happy than right any day. 291 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,520 - And are you? - No. That's where it all falls down. 292 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,750 Pity. Sounded like rather a good lifestyle otherwise. 293 00:19:36,973 --> 00:19:42,040 Slartibartfast and the Earth creature report to the reception area. 294 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,400 Now? To meet mice? You want me to meet mice now? 295 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,631 It won't be a great social occasion. 296 00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,510 At once! 297 00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:52,317 I seem to be having difficulty with MY lifestyle. 298 00:19:52,437 --> 00:19:55,287 - I beg your pardon? - What? Sorry. 299 00:19:55,407 --> 00:19:58,568 - Fatuous thing to say, really. - I thought so. 300 00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:04,840 'It is, of course, well known that careless talk costs lives, 301 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,325 'but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated. 302 00:20:08,445 --> 00:20:11,107 'At the very moment Arthur said: 303 00:20:11,227 --> 00:20:14,489 I seem to be having difficulty with MY lifestyle. 304 00:20:14,609 --> 00:20:19,246 'a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum 305 00:20:19,366 --> 00:20:21,876 'and carried his words far back in time 306 00:20:21,996 --> 00:20:26,412 'across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy 307 00:20:26,532 --> 00:20:28,514 'where strange and warlike beings 308 00:20:28,634 --> 00:20:32,588 'were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle. 309 00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:36,440 'The two leaders were meeting for the last time. 310 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:39,595 'A silence fell across the conference table 311 00:20:39,715 --> 00:20:45,048 'as the commander of the VI'hurgs, in his red jewelled battle shorts, 312 00:20:45,168 --> 00:20:49,320 'gazed levelly at the G'Gugvunt leader squatting opposite him 313 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,237 'in a cloud of green, sweet-smelling steam 314 00:20:52,357 --> 00:20:55,949 'and, with a million be-weaponed star cruisers 315 00:20:56,069 --> 00:21:00,214 'poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, 316 00:21:00,334 --> 00:21:04,302 'challenged the vile creature to take back what it said 317 00:21:04,422 --> 00:21:06,090 'about his mother. 318 00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,880 'The creature stirred in its sickly broiling vapour 319 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,818 'and at that moment the words... 320 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,800 I seem to be having difficulty with MY lifestyle. 321 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,160 '... drifted across the table. 322 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,800 'Unfortunately, in the VI'hurg tongue, 323 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,760 'this was the most dreadful insult imaginable 324 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,888 'and there was nothing for it but to fight terrible war!' 325 00:21:49,078 --> 00:21:52,211 'Eventually, after their galaxy had been decimated 326 00:21:52,331 --> 00:21:54,797 'over a few thousand years, it was realised 327 00:21:54,917 --> 00:21:57,601 'the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake. 328 00:21:57,721 --> 00:22:02,120 'So the two opposing battle fleets settled their differences 329 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,280 'in order to launch a joint attack on our galaxy, 330 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,600 'now positively identified as the source of the offending remark. 331 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,364 'For thousands more years, the mighty ships 332 00:22:12,484 --> 00:22:15,000 'tore across the empty wastes of space 333 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:18,720 'and finally dived, streaming onto the planet Earth 334 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:22,200 'where, due to a terrible miscalculation of scale, 335 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:27,508 'the entire battle fleet was accidently swallowed by a small dog. 336 00:22:28,976 --> 00:22:32,051 'Those who study the interplay of cause and effect 337 00:22:32,171 --> 00:22:36,320 'in the history of the Universe say this goes on all the time, 338 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,119 'but that they are powerless to prevent it. 339 00:22:40,164 --> 00:22:42,905 'Meanwhile, Arthur is about to be confronted 340 00:22:43,025 --> 00:22:46,839 'with the terrible reality of all he has learnt.' 341 00:22:47,778 --> 00:22:49,821 Arthur, you're safe! 342 00:22:50,091 --> 00:22:51,857 Am I? Oh, good. 343 00:22:56,930 --> 00:23:00,769 - Hi. Come in. Food. - What happened to you? 344 00:23:00,889 --> 00:23:03,720 Well, our hosts here have been gassing us 345 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:06,441 and zapping our minds and being weird, 346 00:23:06,561 --> 00:23:10,266 and are now giving us this amazingly keen meal to make it up to us. 347 00:23:10,386 --> 00:23:14,080 Have some Vegan rhino cutlet! It's exit! 348 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,165 Hosts? I don't see any hosts! 349 00:23:16,285 --> 00:23:19,253 Ugh! There are mice on the table! 350 00:23:22,142 --> 00:23:26,011 Yes... sorry. I... wasn't quite prepared for... 351 00:23:28,089 --> 00:23:29,721 Let me introduce you. 352 00:23:29,841 --> 00:23:32,668 - This is Benjy mouse. - Hi, there! 353 00:23:32,788 --> 00:23:36,520 - And this is... Frankie mouse. - Pleased to meet you! 354 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,948 - Aren't they... - The mice I brought from Earth. 355 00:23:40,068 --> 00:23:41,200 Well... 356 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,344 Try some grated Arcturan megadonkey. 357 00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:45,960 Ahem! Excuse me! 358 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,800 Yes, Slartibartfast, you may go! 359 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:49,866 What? 360 00:23:50,383 --> 00:23:55,466 Oh, very well, I'll go and get on with some of my fjords, then. 361 00:23:55,586 --> 00:23:57,920 They won't be necessary. 362 00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,995 I don't think we'll be needing the new Earth. 363 00:24:01,242 --> 00:24:02,369 What?! 364 00:24:02,698 --> 00:24:06,772 I've got a thousand glaciers poised and ready to roll over Africa! 365 00:24:06,892 --> 00:24:10,118 Thank you, Slartibartfast, that will be all! 366 00:24:10,717 --> 00:24:13,476 Yes, sir. Thank you very much. 367 00:24:14,204 --> 00:24:15,167 Well... 368 00:24:15,930 --> 00:24:17,797 ...goodbye, Earthman. 369 00:24:17,917 --> 00:24:21,801 Sorry about your planet. Hope the lifestyle comes together! 370 00:24:21,921 --> 00:24:25,429 - Now to business! - Oh, yeah. To business! 371 00:24:25,549 --> 00:24:28,482 - To business! - I beg your pardon?! 372 00:24:28,602 --> 00:24:33,200 I'm sorry, I thought you were proposing a toast! 373 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:37,720 Earth creature, we've been running your planet for 10 million years 374 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,520 in order to find the Ultimate Question. 375 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,880 As we were about to see the fruit of millions of years of work, 376 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,080 you let your planet get blown up! 377 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,114 - The best-laid plans of mice. - And men. 378 00:24:49,234 --> 00:24:52,720 - What? - Best-laid plans of mice and men. 379 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,053 What have men got to do with it? 380 00:24:55,173 --> 00:24:57,960 We've got to have that Question! 381 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,478 I'm sorry I can't help you. Shall we be off? 382 00:25:00,598 --> 00:25:05,914 Get this, you are a last generation product of that computer matrix. 383 00:25:06,034 --> 00:25:08,960 You were there before your planet got the finger. 384 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,720 Your brain was a part of the configuration of the program. 385 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:13,965 Of the whatty? 386 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,783 - Drink? - I will. 387 00:25:18,265 --> 00:25:21,705 The mice seem to think the Question might be buried in your brain. 388 00:25:21,825 --> 00:25:24,800 - Is that what they think? - Yes. They wanna buy it. 389 00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,720 - What, the Question? - No, no, your brain! 390 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,560 - What? - What? 391 00:25:30,905 --> 00:25:31,679 What? 392 00:25:31,799 --> 00:25:35,880 - That's all right. Who'd miss it? - Thank you! 393 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,560 I thought you said you could read his brain electronically. 394 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,998 Yes, but we'd have to get it out first. 395 00:25:42,118 --> 00:25:46,061 - It's got to be prepared, diced. - Thank you! 396 00:25:46,181 --> 00:25:48,840 It could be replaced if it's important. 397 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,599 Yes, an electronic brain. 398 00:25:51,719 --> 00:25:53,903 - A simple one should suffice. - Simple? 399 00:25:54,023 --> 00:25:59,080 Program it to say "What?" and "Where's the tea?" Who'd know the difference? 400 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:00,297 - What? - See? 401 00:26:00,417 --> 00:26:03,645 - I'd notice! - You'd be programmed not to! 402 00:26:03,765 --> 00:26:05,280 Let's get out! 403 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:09,560 - Sorry, mice, old mates, no deal. - Let's not be hasty...! 404 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,920 Emergency! Hostile alien police in Section 8A! 405 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,800 - Defence stations...! - Galactic police! 406 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,730 Hell and bats' dos, we gotta go whoosh! 407 00:26:19,965 --> 00:26:23,400 - Creatures, where are you going? - Out, out, out! 408 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:28,160 But the Question! Think of the issues at stake! 409 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,600 - Which way? - Any way! 410 00:26:30,889 --> 00:26:33,480 - This way! - Don't you understand? 411 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:39,800 Don't you understand how much money we can make appearing on chat shows? 412 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,847 All this fuss about an Earthling brain! 413 00:26:42,967 --> 00:26:45,888 - Let's go, let's go! - Where are we gonna go?! 414 00:27:03,095 --> 00:27:04,586 Over there! 415 00:27:06,841 --> 00:27:08,074 Which way? 416 00:27:08,297 --> 00:27:12,179 - At a wild guess, I'd say... - This way. 417 00:27:12,299 --> 00:27:13,456 Yeah. 418 00:27:13,926 --> 00:27:16,801 OK, Beeblebrox, hold it right there, we got you covered! 419 00:27:19,126 --> 00:27:22,560 - Cops! - Anyone else want a guess? 420 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,867 Yeah... this way! 421 00:27:27,285 --> 00:27:30,160 We don't wanna shoot you, Beeblebrox. 422 00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:31,690 Suits me fine! 423 00:27:33,380 --> 00:27:36,351 - Back to the lift? - Back to the lift! 424 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,000 Hey, I thought they said they didn't want to shoot at us! 425 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:48,788 - I thought so! - You said you didn't wanna shoot us! 426 00:27:48,908 --> 00:27:51,405 It isn't easy being a cop! 427 00:27:51,839 --> 00:27:54,188 - What did he say? - It isn't easy being a cop. 428 00:27:54,308 --> 00:27:56,430 - That's his problem! - I think so! 429 00:27:56,550 --> 00:28:01,521 Listen, we've enough problems of our own having you there shooting at us! 430 00:28:01,641 --> 00:28:05,316 If you'd like to avoid laying your personal problems on us, 431 00:28:05,436 --> 00:28:08,360 I think we'd all find it easier to cope! 432 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,541 Now, look, buddy, 433 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:15,494 you're not dealing with any dumb, two-bit, trigger-pumping morons 434 00:28:15,614 --> 00:28:20,596 with low hairlines, little piggy eyes and no conversation! 435 00:28:21,171 --> 00:28:24,840 We're a couple of caring, intelligent guys 436 00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,322 you'd probably really like if you met us socially. 437 00:28:28,557 --> 00:28:31,291 I don't go around gratuitously shooting people 438 00:28:31,411 --> 00:28:35,160 and then brag about it in seedy space rangers bars. 439 00:28:35,483 --> 00:28:37,652 I go around gratuitously shooting people, 440 00:28:37,772 --> 00:28:41,440 then I agonise about it afterwards to my girlfriend! 441 00:28:41,675 --> 00:28:45,720 - And I write novels! - Yeah, he writes them in crayon. 442 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,520 Though I haven't had any published yet 443 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:54,210 so I'd better warn ya, I'm in a mean mood! 444 00:28:56,112 --> 00:29:00,174 - Who are these guys? - I preferred them shooting. 445 00:29:00,527 --> 00:29:04,897 So are you gonna come quietly or you gonna let us blast ya out? 446 00:29:05,017 --> 00:29:06,790 Which would you prefer? 447 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,319 You still there? 448 00:29:17,671 --> 00:29:19,291 Yeah! 449 00:29:20,336 --> 00:29:22,680 We didn't enjoy that at all. 450 00:29:22,956 --> 00:29:26,520 - We could tell! - Now, listen to this, Beeblebrox. 451 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,813 - And you'd better listen good! - Why? 452 00:29:31,281 --> 00:29:35,640 Er... because it's gonna be very intelligent 453 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:38,980 and quite interesting... and humane. 454 00:29:42,937 --> 00:29:45,564 OK, shoot. I mean, fire away! 455 00:29:45,684 --> 00:29:47,809 No, no, I mean...! 456 00:29:48,044 --> 00:29:51,285 Sorry, misunderstanding there. 457 00:29:52,705 --> 00:29:56,480 Beeblebrox, either you all give yourselves up 458 00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,280 and let us beat you up a little, 459 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:03,082 though not too much because we are firmly opposed to needless violence, 460 00:30:03,202 --> 00:30:07,674 or... er... or we blow up this entire planet! 461 00:30:09,858 --> 00:30:12,800 And one or two others we noticed on the way over! 462 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:15,240 That's crazy! You wouldn't do that! 463 00:30:15,505 --> 00:30:17,032 Yes, we would! 464 00:30:17,361 --> 00:30:21,679 - I think we would, wouldn't we? - Yes, we'd have to. No question. 465 00:30:21,799 --> 00:30:23,666 - But why? - Tell her. 466 00:30:24,241 --> 00:30:26,280 - You tell her! - You tell her! 467 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,280 - You tell her! - You tell her! 468 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,682 Will one of you tell her! 469 00:30:33,197 --> 00:30:36,214 It isn't easy being a cop! 470 00:30:36,532 --> 00:30:40,445 (Listen... if we keep them talking, maybe their brains will seize up.) 471 00:30:41,444 --> 00:30:44,496 Shall we... shoot them up again for a while? 472 00:30:44,896 --> 00:30:46,258 - Why not? - Yeah. 473 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:47,559 Wait... 474 00:30:50,717 --> 00:30:54,028 Well, that just about wraps it up for this lifetime, I guess. 475 00:30:54,533 --> 00:30:59,264 Well... it's really been nice running into you again, Zaphod. 476 00:30:59,384 --> 00:31:04,400 477 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:09,040 478 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,013 - What the hell are you doing?! - A Betelgeuse death anthem. 479 00:31:13,133 --> 00:31:17,251 It means, "After this, things can only get better." 480 00:31:19,177 --> 00:31:23,680 481 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:29,360